The Difference A Year Makes

Last year I was awoken with news that my last remaining grandparent had died. Damn, it felt good to sleep in today.

I had not spent much time thinking about it until recently. Most of the talk was with my mom about grandma's estate and the stress related to that. The other mentions were in passing, comments and jokes to my dad about how much my mother had changed. She was under so much stress for so long, she could finally relax and have fun. We went on a whim roadtrip weekend to Minneapolis in May and we all knew things had changed.

Sure there was emotion and crying from time to time, and I am sure there things still heavy on the heart for her. (Funny as I wrote that "Everybody's Hurting" by Jakob Dylan came on.) She has changed though, she became a superfan. Even to the point of dragging my dad to Nebraska games and taking over his new man cave in our basement. I even have a suspicion that she ended up forced certain aspect of the red and white man cave upon him.

There have also been changes for me. It's been a weird 365 days.

The biggest change came as sat in the church and at the grave site for the funeral. Everyone kept talking GOD and the ever after. There was no one to turn to. I wasn't a believer and I hadn't been for sometime. I was then I decided to tell that harsh truth to my parents. It ended up taking about to 6 months to build up the courage (and be in the same place as the both of them).

It was hard. There was crying. I was called names from a bad person to evil and told that if I didn't believe I was going to hell. I was not afraid and these threats only furthered my resolve. What else can turn rational people, your parents even, into illogical creatures hurling epithets and foaming at the mouth? (poetic license here)

This came full circle today when I was woke to a text from my dad reading:

Jesus redefined Christian hope by his crucifiction, death and raising to life. He is RISEN! Happy Easter! Love You

I replied "Remember, dont let the zombie bite you." And got this in return:

you will say as you please. You say you believe in FACTS but must be only your. Concocted facts not truth. Love you

The spelling/grammar errors have been "faithfully" reproduced


It is clear what was true a year ago is still true, sadly.

I didn't go home today. I was told that if I did, I was attending church. So I didn't go. The Easter holiday and going to church may be "family time" for some. But it isn't for me. And such an ultimatum only makes me feel more isolated from the rest of my family.

Then again the first my dad said when I told him I was vegan were "You're not gay, are you?" I even had to buy and cook my own food until I graduated. It was only after our mutual doctor told him that I "had the healthiest blood he had ever seen" that he relented. As with religion he couldn't trust my opinion. I had done my research, I knew my stuff. I have eidetic memory so I can back up my statements.

The two biggest and most personal decisions in my life and I got no support from the people who are supposed to be there for everything. It's just so very frustrating that your parents don't trust you to make the right decisions or believe what you say is true. It may be news to them, but it isn't new to me.

The world isn't a scary place, it's beautiful and complex. There isn't a devil out to get me either.